Well its been a rough few weeks. A constant emotional battle. I went to the Dr last Monday and she said I had two folicles,...almost mature. So Im hoping they have matured and been fertilized. I go to the doctor again tomorrow for a blood test to find out if it worked this time. Probably wont have results until Thursday,...waiting is the worst part of all of this.
Sitting in the loneliness of the unknown....
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Breakdown...
So yesterday when I woke up, something just wasn't right. I sat and crocheted for a bit, but I couldnt shake it. Well it tured into a cleaning fit of rage. I took out all the trash, and scrubbed the counter tops and did dishes, slamming things as I went. Finally I stood at the sink, and started to cry, first just small tears and then full on water works. I slid down the cupboard and curled up in the corner on the floor, sobbing.
Wondering, what I have done with my life. I never finished my schooling after two attempts, Im apparently not doing my job right ( many negative events at work this week) , I have absolutly no savings and currently only have $100 to last for two more weeks, OH and lets not forget the biggest failure of all,..not being able to make another life. Not to mention through all of this, I feel like I have no friends anymore. Everyone is busy with their life,...making families of their own, something I cant do. And I sit here,....making a baby blanket for a baby I dont have! Talk about pathetic.
I haven't been having the greatest thoughts of myself, as you can tell. Ive had even worse thoughts than those Ive just shared, but Im ashamed in a way.
I know every one is going to tell me to just have faith in God,...and I do, believe in him. But I also believe that I havent made the best choices in life and maybe now I am being punished for them. Which, I probably deserve. I ache inside,....and it just wont go away.
Wondering, what I have done with my life. I never finished my schooling after two attempts, Im apparently not doing my job right ( many negative events at work this week) , I have absolutly no savings and currently only have $100 to last for two more weeks, OH and lets not forget the biggest failure of all,..not being able to make another life. Not to mention through all of this, I feel like I have no friends anymore. Everyone is busy with their life,...making families of their own, something I cant do. And I sit here,....making a baby blanket for a baby I dont have! Talk about pathetic.
I haven't been having the greatest thoughts of myself, as you can tell. Ive had even worse thoughts than those Ive just shared, but Im ashamed in a way.
I know every one is going to tell me to just have faith in God,...and I do, believe in him. But I also believe that I havent made the best choices in life and maybe now I am being punished for them. Which, I probably deserve. I ache inside,....and it just wont go away.
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