So yesterday when I woke up, something just wasn't right. I sat and crocheted for a bit, but I couldnt shake it. Well it tured into a cleaning fit of rage. I took out all the trash, and scrubbed the counter tops and did dishes, slamming things as I went. Finally I stood at the sink, and started to cry, first just small tears and then full on water works. I slid down the cupboard and curled up in the corner on the floor, sobbing.
Wondering, what I have done with my life. I never finished my schooling after two attempts, Im apparently not doing my job right ( many negative events at work this week) , I have absolutly no savings and currently only have $100 to last for two more weeks, OH and lets not forget the biggest failure of all,..not being able to make another life. Not to mention through all of this, I feel like I have no friends anymore. Everyone is busy with their life,...making families of their own, something I cant do. And I sit here,....making a baby blanket for a baby I dont have! Talk about pathetic.
I haven't been having the greatest thoughts of myself, as you can tell. Ive had even worse thoughts than those Ive just shared, but Im ashamed in a way.
I know every one is going to tell me to just have faith in God,...and I do, believe in him. But I also believe that I havent made the best choices in life and maybe now I am being punished for them. Which, I probably deserve. I ache inside,....and it just wont go away.
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