Sick day...

Well I went to the Dr on Monday, for my lovely sonogram thing for her to look at my Uterus. Results were,...good :) She said that the medicines are working and that my uterus looks pretty. LOL I guess thats good. She said my lining looks good and that she thinks we have a good chance of getting pregnant this round. 

IF we don't, she says she will put me on a higher dose of the meds next month. Which kind of scares me,...and I want to be optimistic, and I mean dont get me wrong, I think about babies all day long LOL but part of me is still reserved, not wanting to get my hopes up. I feel like a lot of things in life that I get excited for, don't end up happening,...so, I cant help but not fully trust it. Golly I wish I was one of those people that just trusted and believed no matter what, Im really not fond of my trust issues and brokenness that has made me this way. 

But I do hope and pray that she is right, that I could be holding my own child sometime this year. I wouldn't ask for a single thing, for my birthday, or Christmas, or anything, if I could have that wish come true. 

BUT the other thing that worries me with having a baby is money. It always comes down to money, some people have said we shouldn't start trying until we have savings,..but I feel if we wait for that, we will never start trying for a baby. Sometimes I just don't understand why we don't have money,...all we do is work. And its not like we blow it on stupid things,...our money goes to rent, bills, gas in the Jeeps and groceries. And it seems like after all of that, we have nothing to put away. I love my jobs, but I don't get paid nearly enough for what I do. I make $8.61 an hour at the school,...that's it,...to work one on one with students with disabilities and behavior problems,...behavior problems that get sent to us because teachers don't want to deal with them themselves,...so we get the hard work,...but not the hard work pay. Don't misunderstand me, I love the majority of the teachers I work with  and they are wonderful people. There are only a few that make me feel like I'm just there to take the hard work for them and/or make me feel unappriciated. And then for ykid's,...ugh Ive been there over 2 years now and I'm still making min wage,..which by the way, in KANSAS is $7.25!  BUT I love the kids,...and its a convienent second job, because I can work right after school, and they meet in the cafe of the school I work in, so I don't even have to drive somewhere else, and I can work the program on school breaks and summer, which is,...nice.

I know I would make more if I could finish my stinkin degree,..but I'm at a stand still AGAIN because of money. Now I have tons of certificates in child care, and first aid and cpr,...but apparently that is not enough to get me past min wage. 

RANT day anyone? LOL I have been fighting the FLU this week,....so I'm restless and cranky and just have a lot to get out.  I really thought I might escape winter without this dreadful stuff,...I was doing so good, hadn't had a cold/flu since October, which if you know me, and my immune system, that's EXTREMELY rare. I was the kid in high school who got strep at least twice a year and one year I had strep, mono AND scarlett fever all in one winter. But this year I was doing my smooties/juices and eating real healthy and taking prenatal vitamins,...which are amazing by the way, and I was amazed at my health. UNTIL I took one of these lovely fertility drugs that had a warning on the bottle,..about how it weakens your immune system and to stay away from contagious people. Stay away from contagious people? You're kidding right? I work with children,....germ infested little nuggets. So yeah,...I should have known better that this little flu was coming in for the attack. 

It started with vomiting, which I secretly,..but not so secretly was hoping was morning sickness,...but then came the fever and the runny nose, and the sore raw throat, and the pounding head,..and lets not forget the swollen glads in the neck making my ears ache to high heaven. Not to mention the fact that sleep is a joke because you would actually have to be able to breath to do that. But I;m chomping down my prenatals and my elderberry, and drinking my fluids,...I WILL kick this thing out the door by Monday. 

So, there you have it my sick day blog, that quickly went from good news to a full on rant and hatred toward anything flu like. 

In all seriousness, I am so thankful to have those of you who take the time to listen, and help me through these times,... the good moments and the bad. Have a blessed, safe and HEALTHY weekend.